Recently I've run into a lot, and I mean A LOT of videos on Youtube totally making borderlines out to be horrible people. I've seen comments saying that we are incapable of real love or empathy, we're psychopaths who need to be locked up for everyone's safety, that every borderline cheats on his/her partner, that you need to stay away from us and 'save yourselves', that you need to be scared to sleep in the same house because we might hurt you, that we're intentionally manipulative constantly, that we are weak people who need to get attention, that everyone gets upset and we just exaggerate, etc.
I try and write as cleanly as possible because I want this blog to be a positive and informative place. But quite frankly, this crap is pissing me off in a huge way.
I'll admit, some people with Borderline Personality Disorder who are not in treatment (or maybe haven't even been diagnosed yet) can have some traits that make them seem mean, he/she might cheat or lie, etc. But we are not all like that. Especially if we've been diagnosed, accept it, and seek out therapy and really work on ourselves. Just to set the record straight through on some of what uneducated people think, I'm going to list a few things here:
1. We are more than capable of love. Borderlines can actually be some of the most loving people you'll ever meet. Many of us have love addictions. This statement is just 100% ridiculous.
2. We are not psychopaths, sociopaths, or 'crazy'. We have a conscience (a very prominant one in fact), we FEEL...in fact that's our main issue, we feel too much. Once again, ridiculous statement.
3. Although some borderlines can become angry and sometimes violent, it's not in a premeditated fashion. Usually it is 'in the heat of the moment' during an episode. And I've actually never known a borderline to seriously injure someone (not saying it never happened, just the friends I have).
4. We do not manipulate. There is the 'chameleon factor', this I'll admit. We can and often do change depending on who we are with, picking up on what would make this person like us more or approve of us. This is the thing though, we don't change to manipulate people and get our way, we do it to be liked. Two very, very different things. Also, tis is an extremely subconsious thing we do and often times we don't realize it at all.
5. It is totally possible to be in a relationship with a borderline. I am in a commited relationship with an amazing man I love very much, and we're both happy. My best friend also has BPD and has a wonderful long term relationship as well. It really is the same with any health issue, whether mental or physical. If you were dating a person with diabetes who was insulin dependant but refused to take it...then yeah of course you might not want to stay with the person because he/she isn't doing what they need to do to be healthy. It's the same with BPD. If we're not trying to get better, then go if you're unhappy. But most borderlines who face it and reach recovery (or even if not in full recovery, such as myself) can have very loving, happy, supportive, healthy relationships. Problems will arise, emotions will probably get in the way here and there, and the non borderline will have to educate him/herself and decide what he/she is comfortable dealing with. This is the same as if the person had cancer, chronic pain, heart problems, anxiety, etc. If you love the person and he/she is gettig better and you clearly see this, there is no reason to think you should leave the relationship just because of the BPD.
6. We are not trying to get attention. We do not fake this. Trust me, if you only knew how much I wish this to be true, but it simply isn't. You know how I can show this, 100% gauranteed? When we are with people we're normally happy, ecstatic at times. It's when we're alone, and bored, and have that empty feeling that we get the most upset. And no one is watching then, so how the hell is that for attention?
7. We are not weak. Telling us to "suck it up, everyone gets upset and you can calm yourself like the rest of us, there's no reason to feel that bad about this small of a thing, just relax, stop being so weak, etc." is not helping matters whatsoever, and quite often will make them much, much, much WORSE. These statements are completely invalidating and ignorant. We cannot control our emotions any more than someone with heart issues can control how the arteries and valves work in his/her body. Yes, taking certain meds and making lifestyle changes can help immensely, but you can't fix it with willpower. I think most borderlines have tried this at some point, and usually it just makes us feel worse and act more emotional and upset. This turmoil inside of us is extremely painful and trust me, if we could turn it off, we without a doubt would. Imagine the pain you would feel if every loved one you had died an unexpacted horrible death at the same time. Would't you be crushed? Angry? Depressed? Lonely? Hou would you feel if someone told you to 'suck it up, no big deal, you shouldn't feel this way'?
8. Lastly, there were a few people who acted totally victimized by a borderline. People who made it seem like we make life total hell for everyone around us as we sit back laughing about it. I completely understand and am aware of the fact that SOME borderlines can be abusive at times, emotionally or physically. There is no excuse for it. So can a bipolar, so can a completely healthy person. Not all of us are like this. But quite honestly acting like a victim when WE are the ones going through this battle, we are the ones feeling this pain, is not only infuriating, it just shows how little you understand the disorder.
I will not be writing about these negative, ignorant people again because like I said, I want this to be a place you can find support, information, and hope not hate. I just couldn't let this go. Please don't listen to these people, all they're doing is spreading hatred, ignorance, and creating a stigma which so many of us are trying to eliminate with education.
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