Love is the emotion which makes us human. It is what so many of us seek in life, it is what we live for, what we die for. Without love; loving and being loved, what is the point of life?
Combine these two things, and yes, love addiction is a very REAL thing. Especially with women, and especially with people who have mental health issues.
Most love addicts are not even aware that they are in fact, addicted to love. And many don't really love this person they are convinced that they are in love with! (Though this is debatable.) It isn't necessarily a relationship that love addicts seek, it is the feelings that come with being loved. The support, affection, maybe even obsession.
Many people with borderline personality disorder experience love addiction at some point. I know that I have. It is very difficult to know whether what you feel is real or not until the relationship ends because when you're in it, you are in "love". Now, the way I know I didn't love all those other people is because the moment they were not in my life anymore, I didn't care. Maybe it sounds cold, but it's true. Maybe I felt a but lonely or angry, but never that gut wrenching feeling of loss that comes with true heartbreak.
Sex addictions is part of love addiction, though some specialists think they're two different entities. I believe that in most cases, sex addiction is a dangerous combination of poor impulse control and love addiction.
Being a sex addict, especially for a woman, is extremely embarrassing in our culture. A lot of female borderlines become known as "whores" or "easy" because of this problem, which only makes the addiction itself worse.
To many people sex addiction is NOT about sex at all. In fact many times the addict doesn't even garner physical pleasure from said sex act. In fact, it is a mental and emotionally driven addiction.
To be wanted, to be desired sexually, is a way to be accepted to many people. Especially to borderlines who try and seek validation outside of themselves and please everyone, sex is a way to do just that. In our minds, it's sex that gets the attention, sex that makes us noticed, sex that ultimately can lead to love.
This symptom obviously can wreak havoc on relationships. A spouse may be able to deal with mood swings, anxiety attacks, insomnia, even lies and suicidal threats, but cheating crosses that line for many people. I completely understand this from the perspective of a non borderline who is cheated on. It hurts, and if you cannot handle it, then that's that. However , love addiction is a symptom, just as anxiety or self mutilation is, so how can you pick this one symptoms and tell us to "control" it?
To a lot of borderlines, external validation drives pretty much every choice. Let me give you an example of how a love addict would react on a given situation.
-A female borderline is put somewhere when she notices a man checking her out. He is not that attractive to her, and she is in a long term monogomous relationship, but she feels a sudden urge. So she saunters over and Begins flirting. The man obviously is interested and soon the woman feels like she has to have sex with this man to deserve love. To please him, she acts promiscuous and Ends up sleeping with him, thus cheating. The man tells her she is beautiful and easily "gets in her pants ". Afterwards, the woman feels like the relationship is deeper than it is. She feels like she's been validated. She means something. Only after the man turns down further contact or the person she's truly in love with finds out about the affair does the addict realize how wrong it was.
If a love/sex addict is seeking help and working on improving, there is a huge likelihood that he/she will recover. It will just take time, effort, understanding, and above all else ironically enough, love.
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