Splitting was first described by Pierre Janet and then later studied by Sigmund Freud. The entire concept of splitting was later delved deeper into by Freud's daughter, Anna Freud. The current definition of splitting however was coined by Melanie Klein, who developed the connection of "black and white", "all good/all bad" thinking patterns with childhood social and familial interaction. Later, Otto Kernberg looked further into how the development of a child can be the cause of splitting in adults.
It is largely accepted that splitting is created in a human's mind when he/she is brought up without security. I don't mean financial security; I mean the dependability of what to expect from certain behaviors. If a child's parents are unexpectedly becoming angry or joyful or depressed, the child learns to switch emotions quickly and never reach a real, stable middle ground.
It is exceptionally difficult to explain this phenomenon to non borderlines; I've gotten the response "Just be logical about it". Well, that's difficult when your mind convinces you that these thoughts ARE logical.
The most commonly seen splitting characteristic is idealization and devaluation. There is never a middle ground, ever. We borderline's have a difficult, and sometimes even an impossible, time seeing the 'big picture'. Instead of looking at all the good aspects of a person or situation and just recognizing and accepting the small flaws, the moment a flaw is detected the entire person or situation is "all bad" or totally devalued.
Before a person struggling with BPD starts the path to recovery, it is typical for him/her to have very intense, emotionally volatile relationships that never last too long. This is because when someone is pleasing the borderline (living up to the expectations), the borderline is totally idealizing him/her. To the borderline, this person reaches almost perfection, God-like qualities. Then the moment this person frustrates or lets down (usually by no fault of their own) the borderline, he/she is totally cast aside and devalued. Now the borderline sees him/her as a horrible, cruel, uncaring person and before treatment it's common for the borderline to completely cut this person out of his/her life.
Learning to see the whole relationship is a skill that takes a great deal of effort because it's not like when I feel myself devaluing this person I can just tell myself to stop. The thoughts come and so do the resulting emotions. As someone who deals with BPD, I have always had these all or nothing thoughts, and quite possibly always will, but I've started to learn how to control my reactions to these thoughts and feelings, if that makes any sense.
For example, if someone (boyfriend, parent, friend, coworker) somehow irritates me or lets me down (either by fault of their own or not), I definitely still have the total devaluation of him/her going on in my head. I'll think things like, "I knew he/she didn't care about me", "He/she ALWAYS does this", "He/she is a bad person/friend/lover/parent because of this". In the past, I probably would have gotten overly angry at the person, yelling and creating a big scene, then I'd have retreated and entered a state of fear of abandonment. Often I would disown this person, sometimes permanently. After recognizing that this IS NOT ME, it is my illness, I began accepting that these thoughts may not always be true. I challenge them now. When I have that all or nothing thinking about someone, especially someone who is close to me, I will force myself to try and think logically and remember all the GOOD THINGS about him/her. It can be really hard to see the person and our relationship as a whole, but with practice it is possible. I won't deny that there are still instances where I create arguments with the person over something tiny because of splitting; I won't deny that these thoughts still enter my mind and that I even believe them at times, but what I will say is that I'm learning NOT TO ACT on them. And to me, that is a huge step. When I feel myself devaluing a person, I will try and stay away from him/her for at least a few hours so that I can sort things out on my own and recognize all of the positive aspects of him/her. Usually this works fairly well for myself.
Some drug therapies help with splitting, though this differs greatly from person to person. In my experience, being on an antipsychotic or mood stabilizing medication sort of levels me out and even though the medication won't get rid of the thoughts, it keeps me from getting too emotionally invested in them. Seroquel specifically has helped a lot with my all or nothing thinking.
Therapy can be a great way to learn how to work on your "black and white" thinking patterns. Having someone who is separate and non-judgmental who clearly sees the entire concept/person/circumstance without any emotion attachment is key to recovery. Your counselor can point out all the good things you said about this very thing you're now devaluing which only days or weeks ago you were idealizing and help you see both sides.
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